Andy Miles 5th February 2024


 “I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want to be entertained.”

“I don’t understand, what do I have to do with that? Watch TV, listen to the radio, read a book!”

“I want to be entertained by you.”

“Let me go! I won’t say anything to anyone.”

“After you entertain me.”

“How? I don’t understand.”

“That is not very entertaining. You better start putting some effort in.”

“Why me? I’m not an entertainer, I do not do anything fun.”

“I am growing weary of you. You better come up with something soon.”

“Ok, ok, erm, what sort of things interest you?”

“No, no, no, you need to come up with something new to interest me.”

“How can I do that if I don’t know what you have already experienced?”

“You will know, use your intuition.”

“How about football? It’s going to be close in the premiership this season.”

“Not interested, Move on.”

“How well did Taylor Swift do at the Grammys? Great to see Celine Dion and Joni Mitchell there as well.”

“Yawn, yawn, yawn.”

“Fuck, what do you want me to do??? Juggle???”

“Can you?”

“Not really. I managed it with two Hacky Sacks at one time, tried three but only made a couple of throws. Why am I even talking to you about this?!”

“When you entertain me, you can go. I want you to make me happy, intrigued or engaged in something. So far you have been very mundane.”

“I don’t think I have anything I can think of that would entertain you. I can barely entertain myself most days.”

“That’s better. Keep going, because I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.”

“What the actual fuck! I want to get away from here!”

“Well, at least that was a bit of emotion. Tell me about why you can’t even entertain yourself.”

“No, no, let’s talk about something else. Films, plays, TV, you must enjoy horror.”

“Why? Are you stereotyping me?”

“You are torturing me, I thought it was a logical leap.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I am. But talking about made-up stories doesn’t interest me. Move on, or my mind will drift onto what I will do in revenge.”

“Ok, I get it. Do you get a kick out of knowing someone’s low points?”


“You sick bastard!”

“Only as sick as you. Have you tried medicating yourself?”

“Yes, Doctors prescribed me Anti-Depressents? Why am I sharing this with you, fuck off!”

“Did the medication work?”

“At first, then it just numbed me. Shut up., shut up!”

“Now this is getting entertaining!

“Get out of my head! Let me go!”

“Wrong, wrong, wrong, you are moving to the boring side again. Tell me more about how you feel. Tell me more about everything that hasn’t worked for you.”

“Will you let me go if I do?”

“I’ll think about it.“

“Talking therapies, CBT, counselling, none of it seemed to work long term.”

“I can help, I have a solution that talking and Doctor’s prescriptions do not. Take it, and I will let you go.”

“Please, please tell me! I will do anything!”

“I know, I have found you boring and this is my revenge.”