The Asparagus Farm

13th February 2022
Prompted by the word ‘Lush’.

Genre: Horror

The soil around here is sandy with a pH of 6.8, give or take. It is well-drained and does not suffer from pooled water when it rains. The climate has a good temperature range, and all of this adds up to make this the perfect site.

Fifteen years ago I left my job in London and bought this place with the surrounding land. I had had enough working in pharmaceuticals and had a plan to get out of the rat race and make my living growing crops. All I needed to do was find the right crop and work hard on the land.

I settled on Asparagus. It fitted well with the climate and the soil, and I worked out that I could make a reasonable living in a few years. I did all the research and planning for the fields then bought the best quality asparagus crowns. It was time to plant my first batch.

Asparagus takes three years to grow, so I had three years worth planted when the first of those were ready to pick. They were a disaster, spindly and pathetic. A year later, the same. I would run out of money very soon, so I needed to find what was wrong.

In some places on my land, the grass was richer than others. I dug up some soil and did a few basic tests. There were some differences in the results and the asparagus beds, so I dug up some more. I was going to send this for more detailed chemical analysis. However, I uncovered something that gave me an answer.

I do not have the skill to slaughter an animal, but I knew places in London where people go missing, and no one cares. I also knew which drugs I could use to make it quick and easy to take a life. I dug a large plot for this year’s planting and had the crowns ready. A few trips to London and my new I had enough ‘ingredients’ for my new fertilizer. I repeated this for the next two years whilst waiting for the first crop to be ready.

You see, it takes three years for a body to decompose and benefit the soil condition. This fits perfectly with the asparagus time cycle. After that three years, my asparagus bed were lush with growth, and the local retailers loved it. Financially I am now secure and have achieved my aim of becoming an award-winning vegetable farmer. I have also become a serial killer.

Copyright: Andrew Miles February 2022